How would you describe what youdo in your own words?
I support women in rediscovering their desire; for natural, authentic sex, but also for life itself. Desire often acts like a door that opens up much more. Many of the women who come to me don’t really know what they want. They’ve adapted for a long time, held themselves back, not only in sex, but that’s where it becomes especially visible. From this often arises the question: Who am I really, and what is my truth?
That’s why my work is about much more than sex, even if that is often the entry point. Many feel a kind of imbalance in their desire for their partner, or in their connection to their own body. But once that door opens, it usually reveals a much larger space: their identity, their desires, and the question of how they truly want to shape their relationships and their life. Often, the starting point lies in themes like a lack of desire, not knowing one’s own boundaries, or the feeling of saying yes too often when one actually means no.
How do you reconcile your works’ principles with fast-paced digital culture?
The digital culture is a very broad field, especially now with AI developing so rapidly. I’ve often accompanied women who also asked ChatGPT for advice and received instant responses. In a way, this can function like first aid – an initial building block that a human cannot always provide in the same immediate way. At first, there is a light coming in from the digital world and AI, but then, to go a layer deeper, as I do in my work, you often need a human being. A person who holds you and accompanies you, who says: “Hey, look deeper there.” I find this combination very valuable: digital tools can offer initial impulses, but going deeper is a conscious decision through courses, programs, or 1:1 guidance.
The fast pace of today’s world is definitely a challenge – mental load and information overload often make it difficult to know what we actually want. That’s why my approach is “slow” – like slow sex, slowing things down in order to truly feel and perceive ourselves.
What’s a common myth about sexuality you have seen in your practice?
The first thing that comes to mind is that many people believe desire is either something you have or you don’t. There is this feeling of: “I’m just not a very sexual person, I never have been. Maybe I’m even asexual.”
But that is not true. Desire is essentially just energy that flows. We all have it. What happens is that we learn to suppress our feelings and emotions so strongly that we start to believe we are not sexual or not full of desire. Often, what is needed first is simply to remove that “lid” and stop suppressing it so much.
How do limiting beliefs about masculinity, feminity, or dominance influence how people negotiate protection?
It’s striking, because I recently came across a Reels on Instagram of a woman saying: “I didn’t want to have sex, I communicated that, and he responded by punishing me through silence and emotional withdrawal.” This went viral and revealed a lot about where society currently stands.
Many comments from men said that sex is something you are entitled to, or a right, while many women also said things like “just give him what he needs.” There were very extreme reactions on both sides. And this reveals a deep imbalance, because what shows up in the bedroom is often these power dynamics – the idea that the man is more dominant and has control over the woman’s body, even though we are living in the 21st century.
This is so deeply embedded in our socialisation and
conditioning that it becomes visible in sexuality itself. And the more women step into their truth, truly feel their boundaries, and express them without guilt, the more things begin to shift. Because if I feel bad for saying “no”, then we are not on equal footing. When we start to resolve this in our private lives – when we no longer comply out of gender roles or the belief that we have to make our bodies available – something changes.
Women have made themselves available for thousands of years for things they did not want, and when that changes, it also has a collective, political and societal impact. That is why, for me, sex is also political. It does not stop at the bedroom door.
What role does shame play in sexuality ?
Shame is a very central topic in sexuality – not only on a sociocultural and societal level, but also on a deeply personal one. Our childhood experiences play a major role: Were you shamed when you discovered your body or showed interest in others? How did the people you looked up to respond?
These early experiences shape us strongly and often lead to cycles of shame. Shame is one of the most difficult emotions – it does not say “I did something wrong,” but rather: “I am wrong. I am not okay” – with my desire, my sexuality, or even with not wanting sex. At the same time, shame is something that is created in relationship – and can only be resolved in connection.
How can people start talking about pleasure and protection in the same conversation?
What I find really interesting, and what connects these two topics, is consent, which of course plays a central role here. But I would actually start a step back, because the real issue is not just talking about pleasure, protection, or safer sex in one conversation – it is that many people do not talk about sex at all. Even basic communication around desires, fantasies, what someone wants or does not want, is still highly shameful for many.
This is also true for younger generations, despite studies and reports. There is a lot of confusion and overwhelm due to the amount of sexual content available today, including pornography consumed on the go. Yet even there, sex is rarely discussed or modelled in terms of communication – there are no real role models for how to talk about it.
And I think that’s where it starts. If we were able to speak openly about sex, then talking about contraception, STIs, and everything related to it would also become much easier. But because sex itself is still so heavily shamed, it takes away the space from these important topics. I’ve seen many situations where a man tries to convince a woman not to use a condom – or even cases of “stealthing,” which is now recognised as a criminal offence. And it reflects a deeper issue: that some men are still socialised into a mindset of entitlement over women’s bodies.
So I believe that more openness around sex would also improve how we handle these issues. Even HIV awareness campaigns in the 80s and 90s were highly visible, but real behavioural change, in my view, has been limited.
From your perspective, what does conscious communication look like when discussing STI testing or boundaries?
I think there is so much to say about this, but one thing is important to me: we should not take the other person’s boundaries personally. Instead, we should appreciate and even be grateful for a “no” – to say, for example: “Thank you for telling me you don’t want penetration today.” Because that creates safety. You make yourself safer by expressing it, and it also makes me feel safer and the sexual interaction safer overall.
I believe there needs to be a mindset shift here, because we often project our own issues of rejection onto these situations. Instead of thinking, “Now she doesn’t want me” or “Am I not good enough?”, we could think, “How great that they are standing up for themselves.” And of course, this applies to everyone – regardless of gender.
It gives me more safety in the interaction when I know the other person is taking care of their own boundaries. No one wants the other person to go beyond their limits – that does not feel good for anyone. That is why we should be grateful when someone says no. It is something truly valuable.
Are there any digital tools or approaches you think can support this communication?
There are a lot of digital tools that can be supportive. In essence, they act like a door opening to what wants to emerge next. From there, you can explore how deep you want to go and whether you want to create or allow yourself a deeper space. Sometimes even a small impulse around communication or technique is enough to address a challenge in a relationship or in sexuality.
There are now even sex toys connected to digital apps. In this area, there are also more and more mindful sex apps, podcasts and digital channels, that help people explore their own bodies, often through small exercises.
Is there anything you wish we had asked, something important to add?
I often say that sex is far more than what happens between the sheets – not only on a relational level, but also on a personal one. How do I show up at work or in business? How do I set boundaries with family or friends? How connected am I to myself, instead of simply doing what others want because I have done so for years? I believe many people underestimate how expansive this space becomes when we engage with our own sexuality.
We often think of sex as just one area of life – and yes, it is – but it has a profound impact on all other areas. That is why it is worth looking at it more deeply.
What’s one small step someone can take today towards a healthier sexual relationship with themselves?
It really depends on where the person is at. From my experience with the people I work with, there is often a strong disconnection from the body. I would start there: learning to perceive the body differently – for example by consciously applying lotion or being fully present in the shower, really feeling how touch is experienced and what thoughts come up. Often, people notice critical thoughts about their body rather than appreciation, and that is where sexuality already begins.
Even for those who feel generally comfortable in their body, challenges often appear around needs and boundaries. Ultimately, everything comes down to the body: do I open up or contract in response to touch?
The key is slowing down and learning presence with oneself first, before bringing it into intimacy with a partner. When you are with a partner, it is about, for example, noticing how it feels to be kissed on the neck or the breasts – is this something I truly want, or am I doing it because I think I should? Body connection, presence, and slowness – these are the three key elements. It is not just one simple step, but depending on where you are, it is essential and simple even though sometimes not easy.
